One of My Own
by unbridled soul
Summary: Post "Wednesday's Child" After the negative pregnancy test that ticking clock bothers Olivia, and finding Baby Boy Doe didn't help. Holding him in her arms, being able to comfort him, only made the ache worse. Benson/Cassidy/Stabler fic. Eventual E/O. (And smut too)
1. Chapter 1

One Of My Own

Post "Wednesday's Child"

After the negative pregnancy test that ticking clock bothers Olivia, and finding Baby Boy Doe didn't help. Holding him in her arms, being able to comfort him, only made the ache worse.

Benson/Cassidy/Stabler fic. Eventual E/O. (And smut too)

~~OK everyone. I have older stories from other shows and this is my first stab at an SVU fic or a fic period in years. Of course the show belongs to Dick Wolf and i'm just borrowing the people for a bit. I really hope this has potential cause I have lots of ideas floating around for future chapters. Please review and let me know what you think.~~

One of My Own

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

The rhythm of the clock passing drove Olivia to a fitful sleep. Brian was out to a conference with Tucker leaving her alone and upset. She couldn't get that baby out of her head. How could parents just abandon their baby, why can people like that have children and she has to ache for one of her own. She could still feel him in her arms, feel herself melt as she cooed at him to settle him; could still feel the heartbreak as she watched the social worker walk away with him. She wanted, needed, all of that, everything except the heartbreak. Olivia sighed heavily and threw her head back on the pillow. "I give up" she muttered as she pried herself out of the bed. She looked over at the clock, the red glowing numbers reading 3:15am, rolled her eyes and moseyed into the kitchen. The hiss of the sink and the clank of the tea kettle hitting the stove were easing her stress, the sound of the water pouring into her mug and the aroma of the green tea eased her even more.

She took in the smell, the taste as she sipped. Her eyes gazed about the apartment and the way it had changed since Cassidy moved in. She realized she missed her old life, this wasn't her. Being Sergeant and acting Captain was amazing but she missed the days where she would sit on her counter, sipping tea and chatting with whoever stayed over; Casey, Munch, Nick, Beck, and… Elliot. She shook her head, refusing to let him invade her thoughts further. Even with the pain of Elliot being gone she still looked back on those days as the happiest ones of her life. They were her everything. Cassidy was nice to be with but some days she felt like she was settling just to not be alone. Wiping the tears that had begun to fall down her cheeks she headed to the couch and flipped on the TV, finding some cheesy movie and dozing on and off until her cell phone ringing jolted her awake.

"Benson."

"Hey baby."

"Hey… Brian. How's the conference?"

"It's a conference, nothing too amusing. You OK?"

"Yea, just tired." She was lying, she wasn't OK. She couldn't stop thinking about Baby Boy Doe.

"You want to have dinner when I…" she cut him off, she wasn't in the mood to talk.

"Sorry hun, work is calling. Got to go."

"OK. Love…" She hung up the phone before he finished.

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

Olivia just couldn't understand how Cassidy just didn't get it. Looking back at her conversation with her counselor she realized something, she really did want that test to be positive. She wants a baby, Brian doesn't. She closed her eyes and it hit her like a ton of bricks, Cragen was right. She had to live for her, not let the job consume her and prevent her from being happy. She made a pact with herself that moment and she got up and headed to get dressed. "It's time to live for me." And if Brian was going to prevent that or try to change that, then they weren't meant to be and she would be back on her own, hopefully plus one.

Fully clothed she grabbed her coat, pulled on her hat, and headed for the car. She needed a drive, even in the New York City winter. It didn't matter. As she left the garage and headed out her mind escaped her. Next thing she knew she was parked in front of the Social Services/CPS building. Her heart pounded as she walked into the offices and asked to speak with a case worker. She wasn't even seated before a calm voice called her name.

"Miss Benson? I'm Kerry Mitchell."

"Yes. Hi."

"How can I help you?"

"I was looking to check in on a child from a case of mine. Baby Boy Doe, from 3 days ago."

"Oh, yes. He is such a sweet, adorable little boy. He's sadly, currently in one of our facilities. He has a name now though, we call him Caleb." Kerry's sadden look warmed slightly as she spoke the name.

"I love it." Olivia smiled. They had arrived in Kerry's office and sat down.

"I know this sounds crazy but is he up for adoption?"

"Yes, he is. Now that he was deemed a ward of the state he is adoptable. Do you know someone who is interested?" She was staring at his case file on her computer.

"Me." Olivia blushed and Kerry's head whipped up from her screen to meet her gaze.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. I've just become Sergeant. I'll be settling into that role permanently as soon as we get a new captain. I'm ready to settle into a calmer position. I've always wanted to be a mother, and I felt a connection with that little boy. I know my shot at this is slim but I have to try."

"Are you married Miss Benson?"

"No. And my boyfriend doesn't want children. I do. This will be the end of us if I can adopt Caleb. I will be doing it on my own but I have no problem with that and I'm prepared for that. I have done it before as a legal guardian. Is it a problem?" her heart pounded in her chest awaiting an answer.

"Shouldn't be, can be, but shouldn't be. The guardianship experience works to your favor. Would you like to start the paperwork? Yes, I would." 

~~Reviews are better than caffine! Thanks for reading the first chapter. Chapter two should be up soon, maybe sooner if you all like it.~~


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the delay in chapter posting. I won't abandon this story, I promise. More chapters to come. Reviews appreciated. Enjoy!

Chapter Two

Olivia sat on the couch, legs pulled up to her chest. Brian would be home any time now and she would have to tell him that she was going to adopt a baby; that she wasn't going to live without children. She knew it would probably come, but she was still scared he was going to leave. She had become comfortable with Brian being around. There was only one man she would ever truly feel safe with, but comfortable would do if that's all she could have. She let her thoughts go, getting lost in a feeling coming dangerously close to numb. She was soon shaken out of her whirlwind by the sound of a key in the lock and the door opening. He dropped his things a few feet inside the door, sighed, and walked over to Olivia.

"Hi baby. What's wrong?" He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek and her head as he rested his upon hers.

"Nothing is exactly wrong honey, we just need to sit down and talk." She felt him tense.

"The test came out negative, thank God. What could we need to talk about? I haven't been home in a week. I was planning on whisking you off to bed, ravishing you, and then ordering some take-out." Brian let go of her and heavy footedly headed to the fridge; Olivia heard the door open and shut and a beer pop open she inhaled and exhaled one big sigh before speaking once more.

"That's actually what's wrong, Brian, the test was negative." She heard him choke lightly on a sip of beer.

"Excuse me?" he spat.

"I've waited a long time to see a positive test, to have children, or even the chance. I want kids, I need kids, to make my life whole. It's a key part in my overall happiness in life. I hope you can understand." Tears were slightly starting to well in her eyes as she hugged her legs tighter.

"You're kidding me, right? I told you when this ordeal started that I don't want kids. So no, I don't understand!" he spat as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

"Brian, please calm down."

"I don't know if I can. It'll probably take quite a few more of these, and even then I can't guarantee I wont still be upset when they wear off." He chugged the last of the beer in his hand then cracked another one open.

"Can we meet anywhere in the middle on this? Decide on just one baby, or maybe adoption?" She couldn't stop looking at the floor, the fear of her eyes meeting his was too great.

"Absolutely not; first off I am NOT getting you pregnant; and second, common sense says that adoption is out of the question too if I said no to the first option." He slammed his fist into the counter and Olivia jumped.

"I've never seen you like this, not even with a perp. This is not the man I fell in love with…"

"Good! Maybe this will make you realize that I don't take shit." He yelled.

"I'm not giving you shit, I'm asking for you to have a life with me, a family with me." The tears were falling lightly and silently.

"IT'S NOT HAPPENING LIV!" He tossed his bottle loudly in the sink and went at a third beer as he started walking towards her.

"DON'T EVER CALL ME LIV AGAIN! I can't believe I thought I was going to be truly happy with you." Her words were turning venomous and their eyes finally met.

"Oh, shut up. You're so pathetic and needy. I'm surprised you ever made it to Sergeant. Seriously Liv, how the hell do you think you're going to adopt. You're a cop with a shit schedule." He rolled his eyes and stood on the other side of the couch in front of her.

"I've already fucking told you once never to call me Liv again, and I already have that taken care of. I think we're through, Brian. Actually, I know we're through."

"Wow. You're going to end us all over a damn baby?" he huffed and walked in circles, hand on his forehead. Olivia was shaking, and with a hand in her pocket and quick glances she managed to get Fin's number dialed. Her heart eased slightly when she felt it vibrate, signaling Fin had picked up.

"Actually, yes, and it's not a damn baby, it's a child in need of a mother and a home. It's someone with a heart, unlike you. You're scaring me. Please get out." She was mentally calculating how long it would take Fin to get there and help, she got up to get a drink and whipped around as she heard him snap.

"Get out? Get out?! I fucking live here. You can't kick me out, bitch." He screamed

"Last I checked, it's my apartment and it's my name on the lease. Pack some shit and get out. You can come back for the rest in a few days." She said calmly.

"You're tossing me out. Wow, so grown up of you, such a bitch." He walked towards her, she didn't move.

"Brian… Get some things and… Get. Out." Her eyes widened as he came closer.

"No." he shoved her into the fridge, spitting in her face."

"Let go of me!" Brian had snapped farther that she had ever seen him. She was getting scared.

"Shut up!"

A thwack could be heard as he slapped her in the face, slamming her head into the fridge. Olivia pushed back against him, trying to get away but he fought harder. She heard him saying something resembling 'teaching her a lesson' when her head crashed back into the wall as he punched her in the face. She cried out and struggled to move. The door lock clicked, but neither of them heard it. His fist was bearing down upon her again when Fin threw open the door and busted into the apartment.

"Let her go Cassidy." He said, uniformed officers lining up behind him.

"Pfsh. Why? This bitch wants a baby more than me. Pathetic isn't it?"

"Olivia has earned the right to all the happiness she wants. She deserves it. And if you don't let her go you'll be deserving a bullet taking you down. You're assaulting a police officer, never-mind holding her hostage."

"That is ridiculous. We're just having a friendly argument between lovers."

"Now Cassidy. Final warning." Fin eyed back and forth between Cassidy and Olivia. He was dead set on her and she was shaking but composed.

"You can have your precious Sergeant as soon as I do this…" he moved and raised his arm again.

A loud pop was heard and Brian Cassidy fell to the floor in front of Olivia. She just stood there, staring at his limp body and the tiny pool of blood starting on her floor. The officers swarmed his body. "Liv?" She jumped when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder leading her away. "You're OK. He won't be bothering you anytime soon. It's OK babygirl." He heard a large inhale as she fell into his arms while he was watching the EMS team load up Cassidy. "Fin…" she whispered "Yea…" he cooed as he led her to the couch and sat beside her. "Oh Fin…" Olivia sighed out as she buried her head into his shoulder and began to sob.

"Damn Bitch…." Their heads both turned to Cassidy being rolled out of Olivia's apartment on a stretcher.

"She's far from a bitch, Cassidy. But thanks to my great aim and only shooting you in the leg, you can learn what bitch means… in jail…"


	3. Chapter 3

I'm loving the reviews and the amazing amount of follows. Thank you everyone, I'm flattered. Here's a short chapter. Much more in the next one, sorry for the slight cliffhanger.

Chapter 3

"Let's get you checked out at the hospital."

"No ambulances. Too much fuss." She groaned as she removed herself from the temporary safety of Fin's arms.

"Then I'll take you myself. Come on. I'll come clean this up later. You can crash at my place after you're cleared. I actually have a present for you." She looked at him quizzically as she gathered a few things.

"You'll see." He wrapped an arm around her and led her out the door and to his cruiser.

"I'm going to miss all the time I usually spend in these things." She said as she flopped into the passenger seat next to him and caressed the leather seat and console.

"You won't be saying that for too long." He laughed as he pulled off towards the hospital.

"Thanks Fin."

"For what, babygirl?

"For saving my ass from a mental Cassidy. Just for coming when I needed you."

"Anytime Liv, anytime. You know I love you like a sister." He glanced and smiled at her.

"Thanks. Love you too." She smiled back, wincing as her jaw throbbed.

"But I know I'm just second best, and I know you settled for Cassidy."

"What?" She choked out.

"I'm not your knight in shining armor, except for tonight, and you never truly loved Cassidy." He snuck a peek at her.

"Fin, have you gone nuts too?" she said, trying to hide her real reaction.

"I've always been crazy, and I'll be more honest than I should and say I took slight pleasure in shooting Cassidy, should've shot him in the ass instead." A smile grew on Fin's face but it quickly faded.

"I'll forget I heard that…" Olivia glared at him and she stifled a laugh, though lacking a smile.

"Look, I'm not stupid, Liv. I'm no Elliot, he is your knight in shining armor, he has saved you so many times and in many different ways. And for Cassidy, you settled for him, you've always loved Elliot. Don't even think about denying it sweetheart. I know you too well."

"Fin… I… He's gone. He's not coming back." and she truly broke for the first time since Elliot left.

"Well, neither is Cassidy. The bastard was never there for you anyway. He wasn't there when you almost died, he wasn't there when you became Sergeant, he's an ass. Elliot could be an ass but he would never leave you hanging like that, not when he was here. "

"I know. Nobody… There's only one of him…" Tears were streaming down her face.

"I know, I agree. Damn, Olivia... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up." He watched her cry out of the corner of his eye, placed a hand on her thigh, and squeezed.

"Don't be. I needed to realize this, I guess. He really is my knight in shining armor, or was. When everything happened with Lewis, I wanted so badly for him to be there to catch me when I fell, for him to save me. And now, I'm so grateful for you saving me, but I wish it was El this time too. I miss him. I always have and I always will. I need to get this through my damn head and just accept it. I'm sorry Fin." She cried.

"No offense taken, doll. I know. I've always known. Hell, the whole squad knew there was a special connection between you two. We all wanted it to happen but began to realize it never would. It's not fair that people like you two always wind up having crazy things and tragedies happen to you, you save each other afterward, and in the end wind up skating around happiness instead of into it." Fin pulled into a parking spot and reached over to hug Olivia as she sobbed.

"Why don't you compose yourself so you can get checked out and we will talk about this more when you've been cleared and you're relaxed at my place."

"You have beer?" she look at him, tears starting to dry on her cheeks.

"Yea, always." He laughed and pulled her out of the car.

"Then it's a deal." She sniffled and smiled as they walked into the ER.


	4. Chapter 4

I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to post a new chapter to this story, and I'm sorry this one is short. I have had some health issues going on. There is more in progress.

"I am so ready to go to sleep. This has been the day from hell." Olivia said as she squirmed around on the gurney.

"I feel ya. How long does it take to write up some papers and get you out of here. Apparently not the 5 minutes they claimed 15 minutes ago." Fin and Oliva both smiled and scoffed.

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

That clock started in on her again. Baby Doe was on her mind. She wanted to see him again, needed to check up on the paperwork.

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

'I need some hope and some beers. '

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

'And Elliot; He would know what to say… and what to do. But that doesn't have a shot in hell.'

*tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock*

Olivia sighed and shook her head to clear the fog out and focus back on reality.

"This shit is more ridiculous than Babs."

Fin spat out some of the soda he was drinking and proceeded to lightly choke while laughing as Olivia giggled. The nurse walked in at that moment. She turned to look at fin and asked him if he was alright. He nodded and pointed to Olivia.

"Well miss Benson, you have some minor bruises and abrasions to your face and luckily to not have an orbital fracture and your CT is clear. You are cleared to go home. Doctors' orders are Tylenol and rest for a few days. Mandatory of 48 hours, any more is at your discretion."

"Thanks." Olivia grabbed the paperwork from the nurse and walked out the door, Fin shortly behind.

They made it to the car and Olivia just leaned against it, staring into space. This was worst case scenario.

" ? Earth to Liv…" Fin waved his hand in front of her face.

"Oh, sorry. Your place, right?" She didn't want this to happen, she wanted a family.

"Yep." They both got into the car and Fin headed out.

"Sounds good." She silently began to wonder if, or how, she could have what she never had as a child, a happy family


End file.
